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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886636">Stay</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinnezel/pseuds/Quinnezel'>Quinnezel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Ending, F/F, Fixing Canon, I just needed Ellie to stay, So I wrote this fic so she would, the last of us part 2 - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:49:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinnezel/pseuds/Quinnezel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ellie's PTSD is too much for her. She has to hope that finishing things will bring her peace. But is she willing to give up her family to do it? (No. No she is not. Take that, Naughty Dog. :P)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>260</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ellie could hear the argument out on the porch, but it was as if she were hearing it from underwater. Dina exploded at Tommy, all fury and concern and overprotectiveness. The words didn’t really come through. Not from where Ellie was resting, all the way in the back of her own mind. The baby in her arms did little to ground her, and she just felt like she was free falling.</p><p>Not that she had things totally under control before his visit. The PTSD had been hitting a little harder and a little faster each time. A little more unbidden. But she was ready to fight it, ready to carve herself out a little slice of sanity to just be here with her family. With Dina and JJ.</p><p>She was so glad her girlfriend couldn’t hear her thoughts. The intrusive thoughts were always there, but now they were front and center, begging her to go. She tried to ignore them, but they were right in so many ways, and she didn’t have the answers to their questions. Maybe revenge really was the only way she could know peace. Abby was out there, and that tore her up more than anything else. After everything they had gone through, after all the loss and the sacrifice and the trauma, she just got to live. Ellie’s eyes blurred over, and still the out-of-focus map held her attention.</p><p>California. Where she could find the girl who took everything from her. And yeah, Abby’s final act stood out, the elephant in the room. She had no reason to let them live. But she did. Did that make them even?</p><p>No. Never. Abby had begun all of this, brought it all down upon herself. Joel made his choices, and Ellie lived with the consequences. But Abby... </p><p>The noise out front died down, and she registered the faint sound of Tommy’s horse galloping away. It was only a moment before the door closed, and she could feel Dina’s presence beside her.</p><p>“He had no right… I swear, if he…</p><p>“Ellie?”</p><p>It wasn’t easy, coming back from her dark corner to live in her body again, but she did it. For Dina. “Sorry. I’m here.”</p><p>Dina brought her hand to Ellie’s face, her thumb resting ever so gently on her cheekbone. “You’re with me, right? We’re out. We’re staying out.”</p><p>If Dina noticed the pause before she got an answer, she let it slide.</p><p>“We’re out.”</p><p>Wordlessly, Ellie handed JJ to Dina.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>But she spent the rest of the day on autopilot, in the worst way. Halfway through herding the sheep, she came to, having no clue how she had gotten there. The intrusive thoughts lingered at the edges of her mind, and it was all she could do to keep Joel’s face from appearing every time she closed her eyes. </p><p>She ate her dinner in silence. Dina kept looking up at her, as if begging her to say something, to snap out of it. She couldn’t. She didn’t.</p><p>Even after they had snuffed all the lights and curled up together in bed, her thoughts kept haunting her. She could hear the moment Dina’s worry gave way to sleep, hear the moment JJ’s breaths slowed and hushed. But she couldn’t sleep. His face would be waiting for her. Or maybe Abby’s. Or Jesse’s. She had plenty of ghosts to pick from.</p><p>It was Joel’s. Of course it was. If she could count on one thing, it was that face intruding. When she was hunting, or herding, or playing with JJ, or spending a quiet, intimate moment with Dina.</p><p>She needed an out, a reprieve. Anything that would even just dampen things. And that meant... She needed to finish it. And she couldn’t give herself a chance for second thoughts, or she’d give in, and stay, and go through all of this again. Over and over until she drove herself crazy and someone got hurt.</p><p>The cold air hit her skin like snow, or clammy, dead hands. Her feet, so conditioned to keeping her alive, made no noise on the wood floors. She closed the window and kept moving. She passed to her study, ignoring all her portraits of JJ. She couldn’t bear to feel anything. The journal was all she needed from the cramped room. Writing and drawing, getting the thoughts out of her head, gave her comfort, and she was going to need a lot of that. She moved on. The stairs had a tendency to give her away, but tonight they were silent. She had half hoped they’d betray her. </p><p>Wind bit at her ankles, and she shut the window with a little more force than she intended. She bumped her guitar case, holding her breath as it went sprawling. But it hit the floor with nothing more than a dull thud. She flicked the latches open. Guitar, for her, would always be so deeply wrapped up with her memories of Joel. This guitar, especially. She grabbed it out, tentatively picking a few notes. She hoped it would give her clarity.</p><p>A few bars were all she could manage. It was just too painful to continue, and she didn’t want to risk waking JJ or Dina. She stowed the guitar away.</p><p>It didn’t take her long to gather her things. Her backpack was always at least half packed. She got dressed and pulled on her jacket, rummaged around for the last few things, and then she loaded it all into the bag.</p><p>Soft footsteps interrupted her. She could tell Dina didn’t want to believe it even as it was happening.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Ellie stood, slowly. This made things so much harder, but it didn’t really change anything. She turned to face Dina. Their eyes met. “Hey.”</p><p>Still, Dina tried to play the whole thing off. “Man, it’s been a while since he slept this long, huh?”</p><p>“He had a day.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“He’s fine.” Dina faltered. “Come back to bed. We’ll talk about it in the morning, okay?”</p><p>“I have to finish it.”</p><p>Ellie didn’t have to see her face to know how deeply her words cut. Dina turned back, tears already beginning to form.</p><p>“You don’t owe Tommy anything.”</p><p>“I don’t sleep. I don’t eat. I’m… I’m not like you, Dina.”</p><p>“What? You think this is easy?” Dina took a few steps toward her. “For you, and for him, I deal with it.”</p><p>There was no answer to that, nothing really that Ellie could say. Everything felt like a cop out. So she said the only thing left. “I love you.”</p><p>“Prove it. Stay.”</p><p>The last word came out as little more than a whisper, a desperate plea. Ellie was so conflicted, but she had already set everything in motion. She was already hurting Dina. She didn’t see a way back.  “I can’t.”</p><p>“So, what? I’m just supposed to sit here and wait for you, for god knows how long, just thinking you’re fucking dead the entire time?”</p><p>“I don’t plan on dying.”</p><p>“Yeah, well neither did Jesse. Or Joel.”</p><p>Dina used his name as a weapon against her. She knew it would hurt, and it did. It wasn’t even worth justifying with a response. Instead, Ellie just reached down and grabbed her pack.</p><p>“Hey, stop.” Dina closed the distance between them, her hand resting in the same spot it was after Tommy left. “Hey, come on. We’ve got a family. She doesn’t get to be more important than that.”</p><p>Ellie grabbed her by the wrist. It was all too much. She was so close to going, and so close to staying. Both choices felt like the wrong one. Dina was really crying now, and her shoulders shook a little as she faced away. Her breath came in sharp, resolute.</p><p>“I’m not going to do this again.”</p><p>Silence hung on the air. The words Ellie wanted to say were, “That’s up to you.” An ultimatum for an ultimatum. But she knew, if they left her mouth, that was it. She and Dina were done, and if she made it back it would be to an empty home. She took a deep breath, the words moving to her lips.</p><p>JJ started crying. It cut the silence in a heartbeat. Both of their heads turned toward the sound, on instinct. Dina didn’t look back, she just moved, disappearing up the stairs. Ellie could hear shushing noises.</p><p>She stood there, her bag still clenched in her hand. She had felt torn on many occasions. Particularly where Joel and his stupid, selfish decision were concerned. But this was her stupid, selfish decision, and it landed so differently. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.</p><p>And she saw Joel’s face.</p><p>Not as it was at the overlook, though. No, this was a different memory entirely. He was sitting on his porch, playing guitar, and he looked up. He seemed to look right at her. He did look right at her, that night, surprise lighting up his face. It was just a flash, just a split second thrown up by her subconscious. The pack fell from her hand, thudding hollow on the floor. Her face twisted in a sob, and she just let herself go for several minutes.</p><p>If she could remember Joel like that, if she could find the good memories buried deep beneath the horror, then maybe…</p><p>She came to. The tears slowed, and she was able to wipe them from her face. She took another deep breath.</p><p>JJ was still crying. She could hear Dina trying a lullaby now, but her voice was choked up and it did little to calm the baby. Ellie forced herself to move. It only took a couple of steps before her legs remembered their purpose, and she made her way back upstairs. She poked her head into the bedroom, meeting Dina’s eyes for just a second. The relief she saw there, and the pain, helped her finalize her decision. She had to stay. Abby didn’t get to be more important than this.</p><p>Dina’s head sagged, the emotional toll of the day weighing heavy on her. “He won’t stop crying.”</p><p>“I think I can help with that.”</p><p>Ellie ducked out, jogging back down the stairs to retrieve her guitar. When she returned, she sat on the bed right where JJ could see her. And she started to play. She had played the beginning of this song so many times that her fingers didn’t even need prompting to form the chord shapes. But when it came time to sing, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Her lungs felt like they were on lockdown, and her mouth was just as mutinous.</p><p>She thought of Joel on the porch, and that brought back the rest of the memory. It was the last time she had ever talked to him. She had been so mad when she got there, intent on giving him a piece of her mind for thinking she needed protection, like she was just a kid. But, face to face with him, she couldn’t seem to find the anger. She had just asked him what he was drinking, and they had a meaningless conversation about coffee. He had asked about Dina, to which she had no answer. It was so disarming, and she ended up giving away more information than she meant to. It was just… He was Joel. He brought that out in her. And then he said Dina would be lucky to have her. The nail in the coffin. She remembered the resolve she had felt in that moment, resolve she had been looking for ever since Salt Lake City. She told him what she had never been able to, what she had been feeling for years. That she was supposed to die then, that she was ready to, that he had taken that from her. He said he would do it all again. And then the words had just slipped out of her mouth. She didn’t think she could ever forgive him, but… She wanted to try.</p><p>It was such a bittersweet memory. She would never get a chance to forgive him, at least not that he would know. And nothing she did would bring him back. But... </p><p>She started over. The chords flowed, and the notes between them felt like home, and then it came time to sing.</p><p>“If I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself...”</p><p>JJ stared at her with those big, dark eyes. She sang, and he stopped crying to burble along with her. Soon, his head began to sag, and his eyes fought against him. By the time the last note faded, he was fast asleep. Dina let gravity take them, sinking into the bed as though it had all the answers. Ellie faced her. She needed to apologize, needed to explain herself when things weren’t so tense and the stakes weren’t so high.</p><p>“Dina…”</p><p>“We can talk about it in the morning. Come to bed.”</p><p>Dina gave her a smile. It was clear that the hurt and the relief from before were still there. The conversation in the morning would be far from easy. Living, enduring, surviving… It would all still be difficult. She knew the guilt would still be there, and the flashbacks. But she was choosing it regardless.</p><p>When the guitar was safely tucked away, she kicked off her boots and killed the lights. It was six steps to the bed. In the dark, her fingers entwined with Dina’s. She closed her eyes, and, at least this time, nothing was waiting for her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed this! I tried to pull together all of the important stuff into this one fic, so everything could still be wrapped up nicely. Tell me what you think!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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